Sunday, April 22, 2007
i didnt get into sleep last night.. my mind was still wondering around which made me fall into a dilemma.. i wanted to talk to people.. only that i can then be focus on something.. but it was far too late and i dont wish to bother anyone.. so i was turning here and there on m bed.. staring at the blank ceiling of mine doing nothing.. my mind was mixed up.. i couldnt think.. i only noe i felt damn terrible yesterday.. arghz..
my eyes was swollen and it became small once again.. it had been long since i last cried until so bad.. morning woke up with small little swollen eyes but lucky it was fine after that.. i tried my best to put on a little smile in me.. telling myself everything will be fine after that and i dont need to worry so much.. things will be over soon and i should always look on the bright side.. but i cant.. i began to lose trust in everything.. i have actually see the cruel side of humans.. i have never see this kinds of things at all.. why do i have to encounter all this when i stepped into poly life.. i never never met this kinds of things before.. i always think that those people that i meet are all nice people cause they treat me nicely.. but this is no longer the truth.. i noe the ugly side of humans too.. hah hah.. should i count myself lucky or what..
everyone is telling to stop being emo.. i noe i should stop.. but i scared i cant.. i dont really have the strength now.. i have lost the direction in my life.. totally lost.. lost the trust in everything.. not noe-ing who is real and who is fake.. i am scared that i see the wrong things once again.. people who are real and true i might see them as fake.. people who are fake i might see them as true.. i cannot afford to accept this again.. i will fall.. i will fall.. i have eventually drop into a big hole and i dont noe how to climb up.. no one can pull me up i guess.. people are far far too cruel.. yah true i might not see what is the most ugly side.. but now this already make me feel terrible.. if one day i really got to see.. i will really lost myself.. xinyi asking me to brace up.. but i cant.. what to do.. this is really very very terrible.. ha.. i am met with a big problem..
but i noe i still have nice people around me.. leen said this in her blog "Jus that Von is more fragile and need more protection,which Xinyi n I said to protect Von for now till she can protect herself." arent both of them just so sweet?? i noe i am weak.. i noe i always depend on people.. i can never protect myself.. last time i use to have rain to protect me.. but now i have 2 more people to protect me.. in total 3 lovely people will be yvonne de shou hu tian shi.. until the day i really find my zhen zhen de shou hu tian shi they 3 will always be my shou hu tian shi.. i lurv them.. they are sweet people.. they always make me tears cause i am touched.. not sad kays.. =))
go away people who are wearing masks.. dont hurt me anymore.. i cant accept the fact.. i am lost.. bring me back to the path i am going to walk.. and not push me aside..
my eyes was swollen and it became small once again.. it had been long since i last cried until so bad.. morning woke up with small little swollen eyes but lucky it was fine after that.. i tried my best to put on a little smile in me.. telling myself everything will be fine after that and i dont need to worry so much.. things will be over soon and i should always look on the bright side.. but i cant.. i began to lose trust in everything.. i have actually see the cruel side of humans.. i have never see this kinds of things at all.. why do i have to encounter all this when i stepped into poly life.. i never never met this kinds of things before.. i always think that those people that i meet are all nice people cause they treat me nicely.. but this is no longer the truth.. i noe the ugly side of humans too.. hah hah.. should i count myself lucky or what..
everyone is telling to stop being emo.. i noe i should stop.. but i scared i cant.. i dont really have the strength now.. i have lost the direction in my life.. totally lost.. lost the trust in everything.. not noe-ing who is real and who is fake.. i am scared that i see the wrong things once again.. people who are real and true i might see them as fake.. people who are fake i might see them as true.. i cannot afford to accept this again.. i will fall.. i will fall.. i have eventually drop into a big hole and i dont noe how to climb up.. no one can pull me up i guess.. people are far far too cruel.. yah true i might not see what is the most ugly side.. but now this already make me feel terrible.. if one day i really got to see.. i will really lost myself.. xinyi asking me to brace up.. but i cant.. what to do.. this is really very very terrible.. ha.. i am met with a big problem..
but i noe i still have nice people around me.. leen said this in her blog "Jus that Von is more fragile and need more protection,which Xinyi n I said to protect Von for now till she can protect herself." arent both of them just so sweet?? i noe i am weak.. i noe i always depend on people.. i can never protect myself.. last time i use to have rain to protect me.. but now i have 2 more people to protect me.. in total 3 lovely people will be yvonne de shou hu tian shi.. until the day i really find my zhen zhen de shou hu tian shi they 3 will always be my shou hu tian shi.. i lurv them.. they are sweet people.. they always make me tears cause i am touched.. not sad kays.. =))
go away people who are wearing masks.. dont hurt me anymore.. i cant accept the fact.. i am lost.. bring me back to the path i am going to walk.. and not push me aside..
we leave a mark @ 9:10 PM.
